


Because I Do (Love You) and Because You Didn't (Notice)

by jbaecob



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Comedy, Love Confessions, M/M, Teen Angst, a whole 14k wow, also this is very dramatic near the end, keep in mind that when i say angst it's not really angst, music club's leader!kevin, president of the student council!chanhee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 08:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15530253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jbaecob/pseuds/jbaecob
Summary: Kevin Moon is sure everything is just fine - the festival he's helping to organize is almost there, his friends are all sitting at the same table during lunch, and they're still insistently bothering him by saying he makes "such a good looking pair" with the actual president of the student council Choi Chanhee.Then they aren't fine anymore.





	Because I Do (Love You) and Because You Didn't (Notice)

**Author's Note:**

> guess who's back! yup, your not so favorite sangcob lover again. the one that has to put sangcob in everything.  
> this is a - very late - birthday gift, and it's dedicated to my dear newmoon lover (who personally calls them moonhee), twitter user @tboyzwho. first i'd like to say sorry for the wait :( as i promised you, you're going to be receiving an analysis on the process of this work, so i hope you like how it turned out!

Ah, yes. The eerie sight and silence of an empty school corridor, filled with nothing but grey lockers and the lustrous floor, echoing a single quick breathing because there's someone who's amazingly late for their class. The person is actually desperate, because they don't see and almost don't feel when their books fall against the hard floor due to a sudden encounter - with another late student.

They know each other, talk with each other regularly and walk with the same group of friends, but there's not much of it since ever - like one of them was always trying to withdraw from the interaction besides being cheerful, talkative, sassy and really beautiful-

“Oh hey, Chanhee. Fancy seeing you here- I mean, sad. It's sad that we're late,” they slap their forehead in a hidden attempt to stop talking and maybe hide now that the conversation has begun, but then Chanhee replies.

“Hi, Kevin. And yes, late because of the council. You?”

Kevin and Chanhee are both important pieces of the school events right now. Chanhee is always, though, for being the president of the student council. Kevin is more like the unofficial leader of the music club (and that means he's like the president and the one who needs to take care of the bureaucracy of wanting a tiny, unharmful show on the school grounds).

Breaking the deep silence of that corridor represented crashing down Chanhee's behaviour on denying and avoiding, and fully unmasking Kevin’s inability of keeping his cool in front of everyone fairly new - not that Chanhee was actually _that_ new, or that they never talked before.

But there's a feeling of animosity everytime he talks about the music club, he must have noticed that, if Chanhee is around to lower his eyes and chew his nails coldly. It kind of crashes with the boy he sees around talking with everyone and laughing at literally anything.

Kevin, he notices, it looks like he's loved by everyone and envied by them too, and this is something he doesn't know what to do with. The information seems precious to something that may not even happen, and he lets the haste of the now talk louder than that.

“Because of a reunion. With the club.”

“The music club?”

“That- yes. Why?”

Chanhee shrugs. Kevin bites his lip and clears his throat.

“Nothing. It must be cool…” he has blond hair, and it's falling in his eye the entire time. He puts it behind his ear, sighing, and Kevin resists the urge to touch it when it comes back, stubbornly, to prickle his eyelashes again.

“It is. It's a honor though, being part of it so fast and feeling so accomplished- Oh sorry I'm rambling,” he closes his mouth and sees the tiny, microscopic beginning of a timid smile on his pink lips.

Chanhee feels his heartbeat quickening, desperately trying to find a reason to say goodbye before he says something stupid, and then- Then, the school shows who it loves the best and it's him. The school loves its president among every other common student there, so the ring bells loud and proud, screaming at them both _Running late is bad!_ (and Chanhee feels bad. Because he has left the other there, with his books on the ground, and ran before someone could see them).

 

The classrooms were painted a warm shade of yellow and greatly illuminated by windows, which was thought to make everything look more vivid. It helps, Chanhee thinks, as he slides to his place near the windows. The teacher looks at him with carefulness, wondering if a call out to the president could be made at that exact moment - but then, Kevin explodes inside with a huff and the reprimand is directed to him instead.

The boy apologizes profusely and for a hot moment Chanhee wonders if he's going to say that he was throwing some time away with the actual president in one of the corridors, but he dutifully sticks with the late and long music club activities. The teacher opens a warm smile and sends him to his seat in a hurry.

Those damn privileged artists.

 

The school was known to be expensively including when it comes to sports and culture in general, so they try to engage the students into projects so they can fill up their records and don't just be lazy tech addicts. As usual, they have a designated group of students to represent them in a institutional level; Choi Chanhee is the president. He took up the adjutancy as a way of being the main head of the students responsibilities, completely knowing that if he didn't, no one would. But with time it started to please him being there and he knew he would be resentful if the chance was lost.

There's a lot of clubs and student organizations formed in order to achieve some increase in their grades - the music club was formed rather recently, being the last one to actually turn official under the hands of the school office, and Kevin Moon was soon the star that the place needed. Or like the students tended to chirp around, the Moon.

And this Moon was actually the one to try and make it big, and in some months, he gathered enough people and enough power inside that place to hold a mini sized concert - something they could take care of by themselves.

The system was kind, everyone got to participate in at least one club, but you could only be president of one.

To Choi Chanhee, the actual president of the guild, the truth was too bitter, for he didn't conquer his most desired role: the main musician. Without having it, but actually never letting anyone know he needed it in first place, he grew the farthest from fond to the president of the music club, and the reasons were unknown.

·

“Hm, and the list is up already?”

“It is! We have already two bands and three singers, and one dancer.”

“I wonder who the dancer is… Let me guess. Changmin.”

Jacob is smiling and biting his pencil and while they should be studying, they're talking about the concert. An almost empty library means they have room to talk a bit more loud, even if the lady there shushes them every once in a while. Jacob actually talks so softly it's almost too silent, but when Kevin loses control of his unintentionally funny (or completely intentional) puns, they tend to higher their voices to the point of annoying everyone around.

“And just because we begged. Actually, he said Chanhee was the one who pleaded the most.” Kevin says, closing his book with a piece of paper in between the pages. He kind of suppresses a smile but Jacob knows better when he sees the glee - the undeniable funny thing he does with his voice everytime they talk about him. He wonders if Kevin notices it, or he's just seeing things, because they don't talk about him that much.

Kevin looks around and says, “I have to finish my homework, but I kinda want to keep talking.”

“So let's finish it,” he does jazz hands to pretend he's actually happy about doing homework and Kevin cracks a smile, “then you can tell me more about your little crush.” his smile falls. Jacob insists with the jazz hands and a big smile.

“My little- my little what now?” The older rolls his eyes, but his smirk was unmistakable fond.

“Please, everyone can see you wanting to make him laugh. Caring about him and what he thinks even if he doesn't bat an eyelash at you. Wow, it sounds depressing when I say it like that.” Jacob covers Kevin’s hand with his and murmurs a dejected sorry.

The other boy is trying to remember in what occasions he has let himself seem so open about having a crush on that boy. Not that he's really crushing on him, to be completely honest! It's just that thinking about it makes his chitterlings enroll and twist uncomfortably. So, just for the record, he doesn't do feelings. Especially when they are directed towards a person with a skin so smooth he would be afraid of breaking it, eyes so clear and enchanting he would be afraid of lolosi himself inside of them, lips so soft and beautifully colored he might-

“I don't like him like that, he's not my crush. I just wish we were friends, you know? I wish he was more… Close.”

“Oh but he is! To Changmin, Younghoon, me…” Jacob waves a hand aimlessly. There's a silence that follows his sentence and Kevin looks at him with squinted, unbelieving eyes. The brown haired boy stares at him and waits, because now he is too afraid of saying anything more compromising. He bites the pencil with more force.

“From you? What do you do together?”

“He teaches me math, while I teach him english. He's good for a starter, you know? He's very intelligent and learns quickly, too.” He smiles and suddenly Kevin smiles too, because he can picture them together, studying, Chanhee's loudness blending with Jacob's quietness in some place at the school, maybe an unused classroom or something.

“He's really good at math, isn't he…” Kevin sighs a long, long sigh, and Jacob looks at him but doesn't say anything that might wake the odd anger in him again. It's funny to actually see Kevin upset because it doesn't really happen often - just like Jacob, and people might get mad at them for that. Such an angelic duo.

“You should go get some tips with him too, since your last grade kinda dropped a bit…”

“Hey, we don't talk about this single, lone, sad, terrible record. It actually doesn't exist if I put a finger on it. It isn't there. Shut up and let's do this homework already.”

Oh, Angry Kevin is at it again. Jacob wonders about what could possibly make him stressed, and he's sure it's not about that single, lone, sad, terrible record.

“Okay. Oh, and keep me updated on the concert news, okay? I want to know everything.” Kevin was reaching to grab his highlighter, gaze downwards, but Jacob's words made him alert.

“I still don't know why you haven't put your name on the list yet.” he murmured with a tiny pout. “I was thinking we could do a number, you know?”

“Hm, it's because I keep forgetting! Remind me when we get out from here.”

Kevin nods enthusiastically, and they turn to their homeworks with foreheads decorated in frowns. Jacob's are deeper because he forgot his glasses, and Kevin's are there because he's thinking about a lot of things at the same time.

 

The encounter early was inciting him to think more about why are things the way they are - and for what reason they keep happening. You see, there's no reason for Chanhee to act cold around him, especially when he sees the other boy is everything but that. Rumors (not that he pays attention to them) says he is actually self-conscious about his appearance - which is a  completely dumb thing to even think because, well -, others spill venom on his spot at the presidency, others just talk shit for the sake of it. To keep false information running and conversations more interesting. Instead of minding them, Kevin busies himself with his own work, and right now, it sadly doesn't involve Chanhee because he isn't part of the music team.

If something feels off when he wonders about the council, he doesn't keep track of that.

·  


Chanhee waits patiently, but the queue seems to be stuck in time. Everything in the cafeteria runs fast, people are eating and leaving their trays behind; he doesn't want to be dramatic but it feels like when everyone around you are entering college and getting jobs and you just stuck working with your granny at her flower shop. Forever. He almost can hear her soft, wavery voice asking for the most fresh flowers for this motherfucker who's trying to win back his girl's heart.

He's chewing a nail when everyone is allowed to take a step forward. He sighs, relieved, and actually gets to see who's the troublemaker; and gets surprised because it's no one other than The Musician, The one who got angel hands and voice, The one who's actually hosting the first school concert, and The one who stole his place as the president of the music club. Because Chanhee aspires to be a great singer and it doesn't start with him being part of the school's music club, but him being the center of it all.

“Kevin, how is it going with the concert?”, Kevin stops on his track and ponders, but the reply is in the tip of his tongue. There's an urge to walk away but another to make conversation with Chanhee, since he wasn't that successful in his first try. Chanhee's hair seem more disheveled than he remembers it to be.

“Fine. I saw that you has signed up… I- I didn't know you could sing-”

“You don't know a lot of things.”

He could sound cold if he wanted to, but there was a smile on his face. Kevin is still confused. Well, it's nothing but the truth, and as much as he tried to ignore and pass through the initial awkward attempts, he can't deny that sitting at the same table at lunch doesn't mean anything more than that. They actually walk side by side, no accidentally touching elbows, and Chanhee flies past to sit beside Jacob. There's a free seat next to Juyeon and Younghoon, so Kevin goes there.

He kind of forgets about being confused and considerably stressed with literally everything when the dialogues floating above the table are mostly one picking random gossip to talk about - the usual targets are each other.

Chanhee entertains himself by sitting near Jacob, who likes to listen to everything and doesn't say a word. It gives him reassurance and offers a hand to cling onto; but he doesn't do or say anything besides laughing at Younghoon's stupidness and such.

Sangyeon raises his voice, and it's during times like these that they all seem to follow him as a sort of leader, sort of dad friend, sort of something that's more mature than all of them combined, but when he says what he wants to say, Kevin feels like withering right then and there. Chanhee snaps his head up but they don't get to look at each other because Chanhee's eyes are deadly strained to Sangyeon's figure. Kevin must admit he has never seen someone look at Sangyeon like that, but here they are.

“I personally think, from our group, who would make a really cute couple are Kevin and Chanhee.”

There's a shit ton of different screams and a lot of boys saying different things, Kevin looks at them because if he shows he's actually dead embarrassed, it would be even worse. So he laughs something pastel yellow and weak, saying _wow, you guys just reach sometimes huh._ Jacob looks at him from his seat and shrugs.

“I've never thought about the possibility, but now that you said…” Hyunjae changes the fork from one hand to another at the same time he stared at Kevin and Chanhee consecutively. Kevin felt his eyebrows reaching his scalp, and amusingly, Chanhee held a hand against his face.

It was probably the most entertaining thing because then, Juyeon was automatically following Hyunjae’s bullshit instead of stopping him, and Kevin inwardly growled. The rest of them were partially eating and minding their own business, but the other part was like a lot of little mosquitoes trying to listen to everything and don't lose any moment. Albeit the oddity of that situation, he caught up to their sniggering and content hums, and felt strange because it didn't  actually bother him. He also didn't say anything, seeing that the topic died down quietly and helpfully, leaving him to relish on the lack of pressure to maybe embarrass himself while trying to explain that, clears throat, Chanhee and I don't even talk like we should, and there's nothing near romantically related to us for you to think that, thank you very much, leave us alone. Jacob is looking at him again and he sends his way a smile.

Kevin should be glad they talk like that like it's nothing - not that he ever wanted his feelings to be accepted, exceptionally when there's none. But, you know, the warm welcoming of _Hey, I always thought you'd end up together anyway!_ makes him want to wrap them in a hug and spin them around for a bit. Thinking of unthankful and unappreciative friends makes him incredibly sad.

However, thinking about overexcited and enthusiastic friends makes him anxious instead.

·

Lunches together might have turned into a war in the matter of a smal time - and the wars consisted on who would date who if they could, and why is always Kevin who's the one to be dating Chanhee. Just because. Because friends love to drag each other, but they also find a secret pleasure in making them ashamed when they're trying to eat happily.

It's even worse when Chanhee is busy with the council, Kevin having to deal with direct questions on when and where he's going to ask Chanhee on a date. But he didn't know he liked Chanhee?

Well. He did like when he chirped happily through lunch, and when he got slightly scary while having to deal with bureaucracy and such, also when he smiled and laughed at something that wasn't even that funny. Especially when he tries to hide a chuckle at Kevin's attempt on making him laugh, even if it's not directly aimed to him, but to anyone at the table.

One of these days, they were all reunited. Younghoon poked him in the ribs and asked, with his voice only for them to hear, “Did you know that one day Chanhee said he would like to talk to you. Like, three months ago.” Kevin raises his eyebrow at him, pursing his lips. Nice. He tries to play it cool but there's an annoying voice in his head, shouting all of the known and unknown curses in the world and it happened in the span of three loud seconds.

“Wow,” he says instead. There's a fine layer of sweat in his forehead but the weather has been getting better and he blames that and the school uniform.

“Crazy, huh.” Kevin doesn't know why Younghoon's eyes are glinting, but they are, and his face is one of those that are really easy to read when they want.

Kevin doesn't know what to do with that information, episode 43, season 9. He just knows that there's a lot of things he acknowledges the existence of, but by the end of the day he's left to dust. The more he thinks about it, the less it makes sense. He promises to himself quietly, he’ll ask Younghoon about that later.

The noise on the other side of the aisle grabs their attention. They are waiting for the next classes by the lockers, thing they don't do often, but Kevin somehow likes it. It's Chanhee who says, “What about Sangyeon and Jacob?” They were most probably going about that certain discussion again, and even if Kevin swears it's just bullshit, he does get low key perplexed at their reactions.

Those two, who were standing near each other, give two little steps away.  Sangyeon frowns, “no?”

Jacob is actually laughing, but he doesn't say anything as everyone nods and Sangyeon tries too hard, “i think it's just because we're the oldest! But no, no.”

Juyeon pats him, “whatever you say.” Hyunjae cackles and doesn't help, “the other day I thought you were going to walk home hand in hand. But I think I was hoping too much.”

Kevin listens to everything with renewed interest, and his eyes flicker from Jacob to Chanhee instead of retracting to chew at the new information.

·

Chanhee is an avid thinker. At some point of his latest crisis about his feelings for the one everyone thinks he has grown a hatred for, he's got a genius idea. At least it's what he thinks, and he decided to work on it the day after. The table he sits at in lunch everyday is making his life more difficult than it has to be and he's not happy. Of course there's a lot of boneless teasing going on, because boys usually stop saying shit about their friends when they get mature (and that's most probably never) and his friends are still considered “the kids” despite being grown teens so he shouldn't feel affected by it. But from the few glances he steals to see Kevin's reaction on them, he indeed should get worried because instead of a carefree look, he's definitely bothered by seeing a confused one. When the teasing reaches some high levels, he pretends there's only Jacob and Sangyeon there, and tells Jacob about how the pasta has a strange texture today. The other boy sweetly agrees with him and asks about his english just to keep talking about things that are not how Kevin and Chanhee would definitely make a pretty looking couple just for the sake of it. No one bothers him to enter the conversation and Jacob thankfully keeps Kevin away from the private one they're having. Jacob, in the other hand, may sense something is going on (but there isn't actually a bomb he doesn't know of) but actually never suspects what waits for him that afternoon.

 

He is at the library, two books and a notebook spread open in front of his figure, but he's looking afront, directly to the other boy sitting on the next chair. The latest events worked a fur in his throat and his heart feels too clenched, and he was painstakingly aware of how troubled his friends felt despite playing along most of the times. Jacob messes with his book, eyeing it but not absorbing anything as he hears Chanhee's speech for the fifth time. He worries too much about him to refrain him from doing it; so he listens carefully.

Sometimes, you have a secret buried so deep it's hard to let another person know about it, because you have to figuratively get it from under a certain amount of time and self denying inside your heart. That's what Chanhee feels when Jacob is face to face with him and he asks him to tell Kevin everything he feels - but to say it's Jacob who feels it, not Chanhee.

His brilliant plan was thought painfully for the whole night, and he couldn't sleep in order to think about it being the most successful thing he has ever done. Ever.

Jacob looks at him with his mouth forming a perfect “o”. Then, he stutters and chokes on saliva, “b-but Kevin is my best friend…”

“I know! For that reason it would be easy for you.”

“Chanhee, that's- I don't think that's how it works…”

He's fumbling with his hands and wondering what the hell is Chanhee actually thinking. He wants to help, but he also wants to say that Kevin likes him too.

But then, he would possibly be dead by the next morning, so, uh... no.

“Jacob, please… I can't even think about saying it to him without having a cardiac arrest.” he whines. “You have to do this for me.”

“Chanhee…”

The younger is chewing on his lip and with probably unwanted tears in his eyes, but Jacob crossed his arms against his chest. There's one thing that can make him stop asking for that insane proposal, but he isn't sure if he should…

“Jacob, please. I would do whatever you wanted. I could answer to all of your math homework for you-”

“Chanhee. I’m sorry, but no.”

“What good reason would you have to be so rude with me?” Chanhee whines, and Jacob wants to whine back because it's getting kind of ridiculous and loud. He lowers his voice, joins their head really close  and squints at him. What he's about to say is 96% classified (only because his mother knows it already) and he is in the middle of a crisis, so the information needs to go. He was really scratching himself up to spill it out to someone, too.

“I have a boyfriend.”

Oh, that could change everything. That could bring anyone to fall for any reason, and he's sure Chanhee will understand when he's actually-

“What?” he says loudly. Apparently, he can't keep living the low life, Jacob noticed. Then, he does this extra acting where he shakes his head dramatically, “and what about Sangyeon?”

Jacob feels all the blood in his veins rushing like crazy to his face; he actually gets a bit dizzy when he blurts out, “It is Sangyeon. We're dating. Sangyeon and I. I thought you all- Goddamn. But shhh.” he suddenly lets his hands do some jazz moves because he's nervous and the other’s gaze is not helping.

It's Chanhee's turn to let his mouth ajar (he’s like a mix of flabbergasted and angry) but he doesn't waste time on asking since when, where, why, what, how, and Jacob answers to everything with a faked calmness, because inside he's dying to let everyone know already. He has prohibited themselves to let it slip though, because first they have to make Chanhee confess to Kevin (and hopefully open Kevin's eyes for he's apparently too blind to see the obvious). Chanhee doesn't know that, but Jacob thinks that now he is going to pick up piece by piece from the whole picture and figure it out eventually. He still hopes, however, that he spends a good time trying, for as he needs it to act. On top of being completely shaken by the unpredictability of that wish, made with so much hope he actually felt bad to turn him down (despite being… completely ridiculous), Jacob is trying to get a panoramic view of the whole.

Meanwhile, Chanhee feels dazed with the news, but instead of everything falling into place, he's hit with the realization that he, still, couldn't gather the courage to admit his own feelings. And yeah, of course, he spends the whole time trying to pry out of Jacob the most random things about his relationship because he needs to vent on anything else that's not his failed romantic life and his sad attempt at making things with Kevin clear.

·

The student council reunites twice a week to keep track of what's going on and they usually do the meetings at the end and beginning of each week. That tuesday was no different, except for the fact that the majority of time they ate more than discussed. Even more now, that everything practically wanders around the festival and how everyone is excited to see him sing, since no one has gotten to hear him properly yet. Of course it was common sense by then (only between them, but things like that spread like wild fire) that Chanhee was supposed to be the head of the music team, because there was a time when he was truly craving for it - and unfortunately (or not) it helped to build the rumor of him being an envious snake trying to take it back (something that was never his, in first place). He has let it settle down when he noticed it could cover quite perfectly his feelings - and living a tiny lie couldn't hurt anyone.

Instead of going home right after the meeting, since it used to take more than a half of his afternoons, he sauntered around for a considerable time before stopping right in front of the music room. It's rather bigger than he remembers, and since the day he knew that there he wasn't going to be what he wanted, he hasn't felt the urge to enter the room. Now, though, knowing that the time he's going to show the whole school what he carries with him is coming, the feeling is suddenly there. Also because from the tiny glass window on the wooden door he can see the object of his rather affectionate daydreams, and he's currently sat by the piano (apparently just looking at it with rather somber eyes).

Chanhee often asks himself why should he say anything when there's no actual reason to do it. If no one ever knew (which can't possibly be truth for some time now because Jacob unfortunately already knows), he wouldn't have to deal with the public's general opinion about it. Saying it out loud doesn't make sense, especially when he is painfully sure that this isn't going to lead him anywhere but to sad excuses and maybe a handshake.

He keeps looking through the window, and that was the moment where he knew he has fucked up - Kevin seems startled to find out someone has been staring weirdly at him from such a strange angle and is probably planning on never looking his way again. Chanhee can't help but panic on his feet (and be glued at the ground by it, as he could realise), staring wide eyed at him and forgetting he has never (never!) once made himself look so stupid around the other.

But instead of doing something like walking in there and tell him off, or just look down again and pretend he's not there, Kevin- Chanhee fucking wants to scream at him for some unknown reason, because he smiles at him. It's the tiniest smile, but a rather interesting glint in his eyes makes Chanhee's jaw go slack and his two very well functioning feet drag him away with a four minute delay.

He can't even think about the fact that he didn't reciprocate the sweet gesture.

·

Kevin is taking care of some details - it's one week to the waited event, and his nerves are making him practically jitter from vexation, but he tells himself everything is going to be okay. He learns that Jacob was one of the last ones to sign up the list and he breathes heavily, and while it calmed his heart a bit, he couldn't stop thinking about Chanhee. What is Chanhee doing. Why is Chanhee always mad at him for no reason at all. Why does he feel like Chanhee is a terrible liar, even if he's doing great in hiding everything from apparently everyone - apparently is the keyword. But certainly what bugs him more is the odd “encounter” (dramatically separated by a door, a piano and a shit ton of non physical things) that happened when he was practicing the day before yesterday. Chanhee was like an apparition, fair skinned and light coloured hair, staring at him from the window without intensity in his eyes. He would be less weirded out if he was fulminant, sending daggers with his eyes - but not that. And what's worse is that he made himself think it was a peace offer and did the most human thing in return, that was smile. Chanhee acted on it faster than he would think and in a blink of an eye, he just wasn’t there anymore. Went away the way he came: unnoticed. Again, he was awkwardly left to chew on his thoughts because of something Chanhee has made. But that time it felt off for some reason.

He is so absorbed by the thoughts that Jacob enters the room filled with instruments and stay unnoticed. But after some time though, he does get noticed, and he's wearing the basketball uniform. It seems like he was at the court just now, all sweaty and heavy breathing.

“Whatever you're thinking about, stop it. You're gonna get white hairs by the end of the week,” he says, coming to sit beside Kevin (he's by the piano, the seat is tiny and Jacob smells like a thousand sweaty players, but he lets him be).

“Sorry,” he taps one black key, “It's just that I feel like I’m not grasping the reality lately.”

Jacob snorts.

“When do you ever?” That's one the most interesting things about you, he wants to say.

“I need to put myself together, Jake. If not for a long time, then just for the concert.”

“What are you talking about?” Kevin stares at him from the corner of his eye but his mouth stays stubbornly shut like never before. “Kevin.”

Being in the music room again clearly makes him hyper aware of the fact that he hasn't told Jacob about what happened, but a selfish part of him wants to keep that to himself, since Chanhee and Jacob share so much lately. Kevin might want to find out about it by himself, or just let it slip through his fingers to never grasp it again for the sake of the actual conjecture. So, he does the obvious and scolds the world for the bare minimum.

“I’m talking about not knowing what the hell is fucking happening all of the time? Chanhee? You? Sangyeon? I don't know! Everything feels strange suddenly and I like to think it's because I'm too stressed.” He also wants to whine about how it looks like everyone knows something he doesn't, but it'll seem like he's reaching. Breathing in and out instead, he presses random keys and loses focus of his eyes on the piano.

Jacob looks at him with sad eyes; Kevin is an open book when it comes to his feelings and everything can be easily read on his face - uptight, like his nerves are suddenly giving up and everything is a mess. He's afraid he can't help right now.

And he can't, but Kevin doesn't know that. He realises it's terribly difficult to keep this kind of secret (great, almost dangerous in its grandiosity), but the reasons are palpable enough. He can grasp on it and keep omitting a truth that's not his own.

“We should go do something after school- arcade, food, I don't know. To make you feel better.”

Kevin is still staring at his piano, as if thinking profoundly, but now Jacob doesn't know if it's about his propose or another hidden, more intricate matter.

“Sure, let's go.”

·

After the supposedly relaxing afternoon, Kevin is definitely drained and quite sad. Because that's not near what he wanted - because he isn't even sure about what exactly he wants, specially if it involves Chanhee and the mystery about their true feelings for each other. For everyone else they easily could be a couple, but he swears he doesn't know why.

He refuses to believe that Jacob is actually the backbone of that failure of a hang out. Because when they do, it's just them, it's just talks about movies they've watched lately, a subject they're having difficulty with, socks they've seen in a vintage shop last week- but not “how do you think you really feel about Chanhee?” and him losing his cool by choking on saliva and not being able to answer the question. If he looked directly at Jacob's face he would see how it was innocently shielded, almost like he knew Kevin would think he's being plain intrusive and malicious.

It's not like he hasn't chewed that idea infinitely around his mind for most nights, if he's being honest. The thing is, he thinks he feels attracted by the slight cold yet sweet behaviour that the other idly shows him every time they are in the same space (which is the school, since they apparently live far from each other and haven't hung out together for obvious reasons, despite having a deeply related group of friends). He finds himself easily fooled by his angelic features and retracted way, and that conflicting loud laugh, hand shadowing his mouth, formidably pale complexity and reddening cheeks.

He shakes the thoughts away often, though, because being infatuated with someone who most probably envies him because of his position at such a stupid thing is a no-go. Of course he loves and cherishes the time he spends on playing instruments and singing and sometimes even dancing, with the people he grew to appreciate so quickly, but there's no such thing as normalising what appeared to be a toxic habit. As an afterthought, he always thinks of rather impossible scenarios that mostly involves hate with the shrinking fear of unrequited love. But to keep his mind at ease, he doesn't let much past his toes touch that cold, dark water.

·

The concert is nearing their schedule and Kevin, together with the music club, is very busy with the last (and most important) details - he almost doesn't hang out with them anymore. Jacob knows it's not just because of that, but for the tiring and unsuccessful trials that only led them to get sick of seeing each other all the time and not being able to talk things out - firstly, mainly, profoundly because Kevin doesn't have a clue on what he has to say. Or why is everyone (and with a passion, his own best friend) trying so hard. So he fills up his mind with school in first place, music along with it, and there's a little, tiny, witty voice murmuring things inside his head all the time. Trying to give it the cold shoulder is more hard than he thought it’d be, and he's never too much of an asshole to ignore his own instincts talking.

However, again, he hits a wall - there's a question he doesn't know the answer for, even if it seems like it's in front of his eyes. Exactly like a dream where you try to read something but the words are too blurry or written in a distinct code.

 

Chanhee is picking the skin around his nails because there's no nails anymore - even if he told himself to stop doing it, five days ago. He's been thinking too much, overanalyzing all of his chances and bringing back all of his worries. On top of all, regretting the moments where he could take it slow and try to say everything, but getting light-headed just from the thought. Jacob said he's being too tough with his feelings - and with Kevin - but there isn't much he can do, is there?

He's usually more objective and sharp than that - he brags about talking easily with anyone, not holding those life longing grudges, and everyone knows that.

He feels like he should do something (that's not what Jacob said, because then he would brag about being right because he knows he is), and it starts to get a little ridiculous when he finally meditates on all the times they accidentally met - …or not -, and his cheeks reddens automatically.

Jacob was lurking around in the corridor, and Chanhee looked at him from the tail of his eye. He wanted to ask something to the older boy, but he's intercepted first.

“You have signed up for the concert.”

“Yes.”

“As a singer.” Chanhee hummed. They are both eyeing the tiny, elaborated traces of Choi Chanhee written on the board. Seventh signed name.

“Chanhee,” Jacob grabs him by the face. There’s a glint of indiscipline in his eyes, like he would try to deny everything Jacob is daring to say. “You can't let it bother you for that much time… You deserve to free yourself from this feeling or let it grow.

“And by letting it grow I mean in a healthy way. Without depriving him from knowing it… You have a chance to do something and I’m sure you know what to do. Don't waste it, and don't think about the consequences. You've waited enough.”

Chanhee huffs but doesn't say anything. He is looking down, cheeks flushed, but there's no sign of defensiveness anymore; knowing how stubborn Chanhee can  get when he wholeheartedly disagrees with something, Jacob thinks he has won that one.

“I will be here for the both of you.”

·

There are people running everywhere, checking sound and light, getting his most anxious side to life, because he can't see them like that and not get jittery too. Even more when he has signed his own name on that fucking list on the board in the main hallway, the first trace of the letter “K” was so uncertain and wavery that he felt ashamed of if.

“Hey! You're here,” Juyeon was being pushed by people in the middle of the room but he looked unbothered. Younghoon and Hyunjae were trailing behind him, and he smiled - it was a tight smile. “We wanted to congratulate you, this must have been really difficult to keep up with.”

“And also apologize for all the jokes… We didn't know-” Younghoon stops himself abruptly. Kevin squints… Hyunjae squints at him back but it's more like a “what?” with a shrug. Kevin is certainly alarmed now, but it's a bad idea to care about that in such an eccentric hour.

He needs to rush to the backstage and then to the very stage, where he's going to be hosting the whole thing. He hopes he doesn't stutter. He is definitely going to, but it's good for his mind if he stills grows hope inside of it.

 

Chanhee is in front of the sink, freshly dyed brown hair, murmuring comfort words to himself. It's going to be okay, he says. You have the lyrics inside your head, you're not going to forget them. The image on the mirror shows a profoundly shaken person, and he frowns to it, deciding to start jumping around to his own relief. Does he can use the excuse of a vocal training if he suddenly starts to scream? Because it's his deepest, most sincere wish right now.

He does scream, but it's random words instead of what he actually wants to say. He couldn't sleep, and the amount of makeup stored below his eyes are practically bringing them down, but he looks good. Actually, he thinks he looks amazing, as the brown hair always made his skin glow more than any blond, and Jacob's advice the day before was taken wholeheartedly. He needed to give a break to his own heart, and give Kevin the chance to choose.

He wonders how much Jacob knows. He wonders if he- no. He couldn't betray him like that. If Chanhee is actually going to a stage, sing in front of so much people from his actual school, it's because Kevin doesn't know anything. Jacob did nothing but help him all this time, even if it got too much with his last gasping attempts, and he's forever thankful for the shoulder to cry on.

Which he’ll probably use after all this shit because- what if Kevin is actually mad at him for not delivering his feelings in the right way and created a whole scenery where, to get near him, he pretended to want his place as the leader of the music club?

Because, you know, people can't read his mind. His actions shows a lot themselves, but he is, proudly, a hidder.

He can't help but ask himself, does he really have to?

Kevin is like a constant bothering great search of amusement and overwhelming delicacy in his mind- almost like he doesn't force anything. Like everyone could fall in love with him just like that, and that's exactly what he thinks. Because everything he does seems effortlessly artistic, and when it doesn't, he still manages to look and sound funny.

After warming up his voice and, unfortunately, keeping his mind awake and running wild, he started to sing. The prospect of getting it wrong in the right time caught up on his lungs and choked his attempts on breathing deeply and properly, and he seriously thought he would cry, but didn't. Instead, he tried to sing again, voice wavering, uncertain.

He always thought about all of this as a way of getting himself ready to face tougher things and to tell himself that really, he shouldn't be afraid of something so stupid. But of course that behind this words lies a truth that he can't possibly deny: he doesn't have a clue on what this would lead.

 

Kevin is a walking mess and he starts to literally throw himself inside of random rooms and asking everyone if they're okay because he's not, so eventually he stumbles against Chanhee - and he's teary eyed and looking as nervous as him. And after a shocking moment, he notices the other no longer sports that bright blond hair, and instead looks more like a- like what a different Chanhee would look like. His mind instantly tells him that he should hold on for something, but his instincts love to mess with him.

He forces himself out of the awkward moment to ask if he's okay and if he needs something, because just now he finally realised the president of the student council is actually singing at his concert and at that moment he had around zero ideas of what to do with that information.

Chanhee looked at him with an aggravated expression and started to hum to himself. He said, “I was just warming my throat.”

“So I could bring water for you,” he revoked, “and you can tell me why’re you crying? Is there something wrong?”

He hasn't actually imagined a moment like that to be their first real interaction, that wasn't something strictly related to school or the student guild or the music club. Kevin was really starting to think he couldn't possibly be 46% attracted to a person he literally didn't know aside from being this really goofy yet responsible and apparently cold person. Also, he was terribly starting to distrust his own assumptions on how he was so very mysterious and closeted, but he didn't exactly could pinpoint why. Chanhee was clearly bringing his most defensive side at that moment and Kevin thought he shouldn't be seeing this right now, because the Chanhee he has made out in his head was a distant image he wasn't up to destroy.

Jacob probably would say the exact opposite - and he suddenly wondered what he's been up to all of this time, trying to set him up with- wait.

Wait a fucking moment.

“I appreciate it, but in this moment I would like to… Just stay alone. I hope you don't mind.” he was already excusing himself from Kevin's unconsciously searching eyes, and he couldn't keep sticking his nose in someone else's problems like this, so he exited himself with a shake of head and a short smile, “no, I don't.” His smile didn't have a certain reason until at least five minutes passed and he stood attached to the door like an idiot.

The reason of his real, brilliant, cheek-hurting smile was induced by such a sweet, clear voice that he almost lost balance of his own body, like the center of his universe was shaken by that unique voice. Chanhee was singing and he sounded angelic, and Kevin suddenly, desperately hoped this was the song he was going to sing at the actual concert, because- perhaps because what he could hear about the lyrics-

“What are you doing-” and Kevin suddenly screamed his lungs out, “with your ear glued to this door?”

He was sure the whole school has heard that loud shriek, but the corridors where mostly empty now that the event was about to start and he definitely should be there, and that was probably why Jacob was looking for him.

“Jacob-”

“May I know what the hell was that sound?” Chanhee kindly opens the door after Kevin retracts from it, or else he would have fell against the other undoubtedly. It's hurtful just from thinking about it.

Jacob and Chanhee are both staring at him and he has never thought about disappearing with such a intensity in his entire life. The younger has something mixed in his eyes; like he shouldn't be there, staring at Kevin the way he is, almost scrutinizing but not exactly. And Kevin found himself wanting to explain everything but what's there to say that they both don't already know?

“I am- I was, hm, well- I was listening. To you.” he hears his blood rushing through his ears and the sound is disturbing, “It will be fine for the three of us and the entire world if we just kind of forget that sound. Okay?”

“Whatever makes you sleep at night, dude,” Jacob says with a knowing glint in his eyes, “music club needs you, by the way…” Jacob eyes them both and Chanhee stands half behind the door with a stern look plastered on his face. Kevin gulps down whatever feelings he felt two minutes ago and, with eyes casted down, he wore the star mask, the creative and brilliant student everyone wanted to see.

Looking at Chanhee has brought enough confusing tasks and that whole ordeal just showed him how much he actually doesn't need to find out whatever reasons the other has to treat him with such indifference. As much as he, during a tiny, almost numb moment, felt like digging further, spreading the truth and finally killing his need of certainty, it was almost wrong that in such a bad timing he would even think about this. So with a fast apologize and one last look to Jacob, he practically sprinted out of their line of vision and went to the festival almost like nothing has happened.

 

Jacob was already so filled with their problems that it felt almost natural to come for them when he knew something was off. Kevin was not in his spot by the backstage and no one has seen him; Chanhee was not waiting with the other students for his turn on the stage. He was there to help along with the actual members of the club and being best friends with their leader meant he would be the one to search around to find him (and Chanhee too, as soon as he found out the boy was simply not there).

Now that he has found both of them, everything seemed okay. Not superb like he would prefer, but if looking at Chanhee's face through the mirror and watching him take deep breaths to actually do something about his apparently unrequited love tells anything, then yes, everything feels like it's about to go pretty damn well.

·  


The festival was definitely more successful than any of them thought it would be, so when Kevin is on stage, in the middle of his greeting, and everyone starts screaming and clapping he finds himself flabbergasted. A sudden cold hits his stomach and he realises that the last weeks has been consuming so much of his sanity and draining the usual vivid demeanor - the noise hits him so strong it feels like he's being literally recharged.

The court is more like a club now, when there's music playing and the lights blink and shine in tons of colours, and it's easy to forget about what was making him worry along with the upcoming project.

After making what a good mc would do, he walks out of the stage with a goofy smile on his lips, and the world definitely should let him have this one moment of smoothness for fucking two and a half hours.

When he steps in the messy backstage though, there's a whole Jacob with a whole Changmin helping a whole Chanhee with his mic and he stumbles instead of walking. Changmin looks up to greet his leader with a bright smile and Jacob nods at him, but Chanhee stays very concentrated on his task (which is look at his microphone with a serious expression, Kevin supposes).

“Is everything fine out there, boss?” Changmin asks, and the three of them eye him with different levels of interest. He holds back a loud gulp when he finally gets to see with details how amazing Chanhee looks with a dark brown hair.

“Y-yes, and the first singer is already on stage. Y’all should let the professionals we hired do the most, since there's hardly anything to do more. Come enjoy the show,” he has softened his voice in advance so the last sentence would blend nicely with his overall demeanour, “and Chanhee… Good luck.”

·

Chanhee is told by the loud cheers and claps that the first performance of the night is over and when he wakes up from his slumber, Kevin is already gone. He actually shouldn't be traveling from stage to backstage but he was probably nervous about it, so finding comfort in his friends was a natural move. Chanhee wasn't shaking anymore but the prospect of feeling in his skin the weight of what he was about to do was still there, since his heart is beating fast like it would break at any given moment. He was already tired of saying mantras silently, taking deep breaths and shaking his hands to free out some energy, and he's deeply frustrated to know that even if he wasn't the last one to sign the list, he would be the last performer of the night. Unhealthy thoughts such as everyone will already feel so tired of standing there and they're gonna hate it prevent him from feeling the actual time pass slowly. He needs to wait with the other singers, dancers and rappers for his cue, and sitting there without his phone should make him feel more focused, but it's the entire opposite.

When he's least waiting, someone calls his name. He wakes up to the reality to focus on Kevin's voice, from the stage, saying that the last ones  are the really special ones.

Then, and just then, his heart leaps and his breath quickens, along with the sickness of his stomach, and he wants to give up. Does he know? Does he fucking know? He would literally back out if the person controlling the ones who comes and goes wasn't one step away from him, walking at a close distance, watching his back until the moment he walks up to the stage and everyone is looking at him.

Okay, he tells himself, you've got it, and after sending some sense to his own paranoid mind, he doesn't know anything.

The last few days were just him and the song, which Jacob gladly helped him choose, and just from looking at Kevin randomly at school it made him want to scream. He haven't talked with the other much than they already don't, but somehow the lack of showing how he wasn't bothered made him feel like he was losing. Because that was the only way he could hear his voice directed at him while still keeping the image he more or less wanted to create around them, selfishly so.

He couldn't stop to think about how strange it felt to be in a place that uses to be a court when the school days is a normal one but at that moment looked like a club and he was the designated singer for that one night.

And he was going to use that night to confess his successfully hidden love for the boy he grew to like despite all the barriers Chanhee himself has build throughout the months of school life.

When Kevin talked to him earlier for the second time it was so faint that now he could mistake it as a dream, but he's almost sure he wished him good luck. And he hopes the luck is really on his side, because the lights are blinding him, his ears are all rushing blood and an annoying acute whistle, and everything he can think of is fuck, why is Kevin right in front of me of all places he could fucking chose to be why why why why. He grabs the microphone, torn between saying hi or just start singing, when he resists the urge to close his eyes.

 

Kevin is considerably less compromised to know about his private life when there's a festival he's been wanting to do since the idea popped in his mind. The unfortunate events certainly kept him from being 100% focused on it like he wished, but today is the day he doesn't get to sit in a table with teens talking about his love life because he's not used to care about one. He doesn't do love, as much as he imagines himself doing it more often than he would admit. It's just something life has not put its hands on yet, for as long as he can remember.

In the middle of the rukus, he was positioned against a wall, waiting for the last performer of the night, when Jacob came in a rush.

“Hey, do you mind coming real quick?”

He’s been talking to their friends for some time and Kevin was too busy trying to decipher what could possibly lead Chanhee to sing on a festival managed by the music team. If he was going to be naïve, then the first thought to pop on his mind could certainly border on the verge of trying to be as near as possible to him.

“If it's really- I have to welcome the last singer, though.”

“Don't worry about it. Come here and do as I say, hm?” then he was grabbed by the arm and the tiny sea of people were slightly bothered to be quickly pushed around by a muttering Jacob, sorry, sorry, excuse me, sorry.

By the way he was rushing, it must be something in fact important - and he had a feeling it was not really quick. Snorting the worry away, he started to think about how strange Jacob had been acting since he started hanging out with Chanhee, and much more when the witty comments and pure gossip started putting his name along with Sangyeon's and he didn't bat an eyelash at the prodding. Angel-like or not, you can't just listen to teasing like that and remain so unbothered, not giving the people what they want - reasons to snicker and talk through the whole lunch.

Jacob led them through the corridor, reaching the crowd, and then he really felt how much people came to see students showing their talents. Despite wanting to see how his work was coming into life, he wasn't exactly trying to see them enjoying the show. Right now, he should be on the stage, trying to speak through the noise, introducing- It's Chanhee. The last one is Chanhee.

“Kevin, stay right here.” Right here actually meant in the middle of the crowd, what could be called a front row, with the lights flashing slowly, like in any moment a ballad would start playing.

He blinked and Jacob was gone, and along with him, the possible answer on what the hell was he doing there if the show wasn't over yet-

“Good evening,” a high-pitched yet soft voice said, and the crowd replied with weak good evening's back. Kevin was sure the singer needed to be announced, but as he really looked at him, the doubt flew away.

Not to be gross but Chanhee was looking like a literal angel from his spot right in the middle of the stage, the lights hitting his skin and making him glow. As much as a blond hair would certainly make him look even more ethereal, the brown hair brought him a sense of reality, and the anxiousness hit them both as their eyes met randomly.

Of course, not as random as it may sound, because now Kevin is sure Jacob (and probably more people) is involved with this thing from the top of his head to his tiptoes, and when the festival ends he's going to-

Chanhee starts singing.

And it's like everything he's been pretending that does not exist kind of floods his head in a strong attempt on making him ashamed of not being honest with himself, and most importantly, with Chanhee. Because what, does he has to go along with other people's idea of high school romance and make up some tiny crush turning into a great love because everyone is low key expecting him to? Because they thought Kevin and Chanhee looked good together?

Well, he thinks so too, but what's so funny about pretending Chanhee doesn't despise him for claiming a important spot in the music club even if he's already the president of the student council? Honestly, his prospect of high school romance wasn't exactly one filled with hatred because he's not used to hate people, in first place.

The song he's singing sounds familiar, and it's probably what makes him look up to the stage and stare at him. With more surprise than he would care to admit, Chanhee is looking back with something in his eyes. Recalling the music room incident, it was almost like they were back there, but instead of looking at him like he had seen a ghost, there was certainly a dot of warmth in that flat, light brown colored membrane. Kevin actually listened to what he was passionately singing, and the little invisible engines in his head almost had a blast when the words came out of his mouth.

“ _What should be done, what should I do_ ,” he barely murmurs, but his voice is like water falling slowly as gravity forgets how to work properly, clear and precise, “ _I dare, I dare to love him._ ”

 

He isn't sure if he's being heard, because he can't listen to his own voice. Kevin stands right in front of him and as much as he has told himself too many times this is something he shouldn't make a big fuss for, it still stabs him. He knows he's flushing red, he knows every single person there is looking at him killing the mood because apparently all of the other performances were light and giddy and probably all the bands played rock songs.

And there he was. Confessing to his crush because why not.

“ _To live quietly and pretending to have forgotten,_ ” he goes on, eyes wavering but never leaving the other’s, quite surprised with himself for conquering it with such easiness, “ _That is a life that is just like death.”_

The premise for this very moment was filled with his own head telling him if he was going to do it, then it better work, he better give his all, he better do this properly. Minutes before, he was losing it, feeling more and more used to the idea of never letting such a shallow thing take over his mind and actions again. One last shot and he would be done; the student council would never have to pretend they didn't see in his eyes that he might be a figurative leader there, but his heart is somewhat lost in his first days in that school. Looking at Kevin like he is right now, and seeing only him despite being surrounded by people doing far more noticeable things.

He looks like an idiot. Kevin has his jet-black hair slick back with effort, and he's probably the type to wear his best underwear for special events, depositing every hope in trying to look cool but stuttering out of nervousness. Chanhee starts to question himself why did he have to fall in love like that and proceeds:

“ _The criticism of the world and the portrayal of me as a madman,_ ” he smiles, despite wanting to drop the mic and cry right there, “ _I know of it all, I am afraid of it all but I love you_.”

Kevin visibly gasps. Chanhee is embarrassed in astronomical levels as some people around the boy turn to look at him with questioning eyes, and Chanhee closes his.

He closes his eyes because he knows he doesn't want to see Kevin storming out of the court turned club, because he's not sure how he's going to deal with his own guilty heart telling him he did some stupidity by creating a false image about himself and proceeding to lie profusely, yet in a veiled way.

“ _Where are you?_ ” somewhere in his mind, Jacob reminds him he shouldn't pretend he doesn't care. “ _Can you really hear me?_ ” in the same place in his mind, he stored all of the times he noticed Kevin looking at him while he interacted with their mutual friends, and all the times he felt like just talking to him as a normal friend would do. But the reality is harsh and his thoughts haven't wandered that far.

“ _Then do you know of my poor, bleeding love? Please forgive me._ ”

Forgive me for not being honest with you, he wants to stop the music and say. He wants to be courageous and open his eyes and face said harsh reality, but the song is ending and he relishes on the safety of his voice shielding him from the rest of world.

·

He thinks he knows why. Now he knows why. Jacob wasn't stupid and he knew too, of course he knew. He wonders since when. He wonders what had blinded him so badly he couldn't see that those strange and too sharp demonstrations and behaviour had turned into a sort of mask.

Though he didn't like to admit, but his usually alert senses failed him, and he couldn't see what was right in front of his eyes. In detriment of putting all of his attention and care in that festival, the low key tension everyone has charged in that minimal situation was just now slapping him in the face, and he wanted to scream really loud.

A backstage has never felt so uncomfortable and stuffy before, Kevin concludes, as he storms in. Everyone is looking at him with different levels of surprise, but he sees faces he's not looking for at that moment and Jacob is apparently nowhere to be seen. Instead of asking, he joins a journey to find said boy, because he's imploding and he wants to rant about being an oblivious little-

“Oh- Jesus, I’m sorry-” how does he hasn't had a system crash yet, he honestly doesn't know. “When did you- why are you-”

He's trying to organize the fact that he has found Jacob and he can ask him to talk to Chanhee and see if he's able to talk to him instead- but now he was trying to comprehend the fact that he has just caught his best friend touching his- boyfriend’s? face in a not so platonic way. And, well, if this day is a test and he has to stay calm to pass it, then he has already lost. Sangyeon acts like he didn't avoid every prodding and every joke, and to be honest Kevin is sort of surprised at how he didn't wide his eyes in horror or anything. Kevin felt something warm bubbling in his chest and he thinks he could call it gay pride, or something like that.

“Chanhee,” is the only thing Jacob says, and it's kinda funny how his face is red but he suddenly look serious as hell, “Why did you- What are you doing here? Oh my God, he's going to think you don't want his love.”

“What?”

There, outside the court and far from the electric heat from the people enjoying their lives in his own event, he spares himself some time to reconnect with the reality. As much as it doesn't feel like it's real and he's actually kinda cold-

“What do you mean 'what’? He was trying to show you something, you dummy.”

“Yeah, I've noticed but- I mean, the way you said it.” he stuttered, “Like it was something… Big.”

Jacob looked the slightest shade of annoyed but sighed and came closer, Sangyeon accompanying him while grabbing his hand.

“Well, I’m sure not even him knows how 'big’ this is, or how significant, but the only thing I know is that we all truly like to make our feelings seem greater than they are- and sometimes it's true, so- What I’m trying to say is that I know how you feel and how he feels and you're kinda… wasting time right now.”

“I’m starting to feel betrayed, mister, and later I want to know how much did you know to be this certain-”

“Kevin,” Sangyeon, who had stayed very quiet since the younger stormed in, interrupted the upcoming rant. He explained, “Jacob was helping Chanhee. We were all, absentmindedly, but as clumsily as you can imagine,” he laughed, “and by this time Chanhee must be trying to pull his own hair off. So I recommend you to go.*

“Right. I’m- I’ll be going.” he faked an exit, and came back two seconds later, “Please, since when are you two a-”

“Kevin!”

“Fine!”

·

In the backstage, the people that had stared at him when he got out of the stage was slowly dispersing, maybe feeling down as they looked at his gloomy face. Because now that he has already showed his heart out, everything could go back to normal, and maybe he should try avoiding even more but now with purpose. If Kevin was willing to accept his apology, then he should have stayed at the court too, in the middle of the crowd, how Jacob had put him, waiting for his performance to be over right there.

Unfortunately, he had previously accepted the chance of being rejected and never ever would try to make such a show to ask for comprehension again. Hm, how would he absolutely love to be punched- not really punched physically, Christ, but mentally, so he could forget that the first time he was encouraged to protagonize a scene it has led him to the worst decision of his entire life.

“I-if you continue to frown that hard-” Chanhee jumps from his spot and drops the subject in his mind in the matter of milliseconds, because he would recognize that voice in the most odd and unimaginable places, “Your forehead will get full of wrinkles.”

Actually, Chanhee isn't sure if he was going to look at Kevin's face because maybe he has been collecting reasons to slap it when he'd see him again but now-

“Jacob said you did it for me. And you were trying to say something. Right?”

Is this the moment where he says 'yes’ and Kevin apologizes for not feeling the same way or he says 'no’ and they both forget about it like it never happened?

“Hey, I’m sorry for leaving you out there,” his voice was so tiny Chanhee almost didn't hear it, also because his face was casted down. “If you're mad at me, I understand. I think.” Kevin slowly approached him like he probably would do with an animal or a child, and Chanhee was so glad he did that for as it gave him time to think before the other’s presence solely brought his mind into a quiet confusion.

A pause.

“Well, at least your hair is still intact.”

“Huh?”

“Sangyeon said you would- nevermind,” he sighs tiredly, running a hand through his hair, and Chanhee wants to touch it so bad that he wishes he was more straightforward and objective. But of course he still has the lack of courage and a negative consciousness by his side, thank you very much.

“Listen, I have this huge feeling growing in here to avoid it and I hope you can, I don't know, forget that I became the president of the club you wanted to lead so much and please accept my apologies for apparently annoy you to the point of not stand being with me in the same room for three entire minutes but I really really like? You? And, you know, it feels a lot unsettling and it's actually very unpredictable that you-”

“Jesus Christ-” he, inside his head, screams glory that the other approached him first so he wouldn't be the one to give any other steps and grabs his face with his two hands, “Shut up.”

Kevin does a comic face followed by a stupid sound that Chanhee sort of don't want to forget - that, and his sweet, rapid-fire declaration (at least in the beginning, when he’d said something about a huge feeling growing in here, and he hopes here means his heart because same), even if they’ll certainly make him a flustered mess in the future. As much as he wants to dream about the future though, the now is a lot more surprising than any long-term future experience.

Because now he is closing his eyes and kissing the boy he's been crushing on since he came to the school, and said boy is kissing him back because his feelings are mutual, reciprocated, whatever you want to call it. And as much as he doesn't really know if he should move or stay the way he is, it feels like the most amazing thing in the entire world.

Kevin is the one who grazes his lips against Chanhee's when he tries to give him another kiss; they end up just bumping noses. Chanhee attempts to hide his snort by hugging Kevin's torso instead, but he still shakes with laughter and it kind of gets mixed with a timid cry out of relief and just pure emotion. He needs Kevin to stop trying to look at him because now that he knows how is it like to hug this specific person, he's going to relish on that feeling before having to face the reality (where he gets to tell the other the things he's been hiding since ever).

“You were amazing up there,” he murmurs, and Chanhee’s knees go weak, “Ethereal. But real at the same time.” and he closes his fists against the fabric of Kevin's sweater for his dear life. “I also haven't seen you with this hair color in a while. It suits you just as the previous one.”

“Stop you're embarrassing me,” Chanhee’s voice was rightfully and honestly nestled between Kevin's shoulder and neck, and it felt like he belonged there. “Thank you. Thank you for listening to me.”

“Why wouldn't I?”

He feels Kevin's grip on his waist go a little more strong, and he knows it's a quiet calling. It feels awkward to detach himself from the hold when it started to feel so natural being there, but he guesses now it's really time to open his little heart and say everything.

“My mind of half an hour ago would probably get annoyed and frustrated and urge me to say that you wouldn't because there was no chance of you liking me back. Because I avoided you and made you think I wanted to be better than you so that way I could, hm, hide my true feelings- But our mutual friends. Dear God, their minds-”

“They knew?” Kevin doesn't sound sad because of that, just really surprised, which soothes Chanhee’s worries.

“Of course not. No one knew until I told Jacob. And Jacob eventually told Sangyeon, but that's beyond the point.”

And with that he was suddenly remembered his fever request and the way Jacob's eyes turned desperate and he discovered that one, he was stupid and two, Jacob was dating Sangyeon and he was the first one to know.

“Wait, speaking of that- that angel, did you know that Sangyeon and him? They are? Something?” and Chanhee's face probably has told everything in two milliseconds for Kevin to look so gloomy in that speed. It was probably a record.

He couldn't help but make a similar pouty face, saying, “oh but we were just keeping each other's secrets… He needed something to stop me from trying something worse than singing a dramatic song in front of the whole school.”

“And what the hell is worse than that.”

“Well,” he cleared his throat, almost choking on saliva, “My first plan was to confess to you through him.”

Kevin was still pouting slightly but now with his beautiful eyebrows drawn up to his hairline, he just looked ridiculous.

“Wow, that was really going to work perfectly.”

“Shut up I was desperate,” he whines, and as much as he'd like to hug Kevin again, he doesn't let him. “And stop looking at me like that.”

“Sorry but I have to look at you now that I know you're not going to bark at me or just disappear in thin air.”

And he felt guilty for that.

Kevin's eyes wandered, for the first time showing certainty and sureness, and he followed it, letting his chest fill up with warmth (both from embarrassment and something more serious than that).

“I was so worried about not making a scene about liking you. Ended up doing worse, didn't I?” he whispered, and it was hard to keep looking in Kevin's eyes and tracking their path. His breath was slowly turning more easy, but being trapped between his arms was indeed a lot more overwhelming than he had anticipated. And God, did he anticipate it.

“Yeah, I guess,” Kevin's hands did that thing again on his waist, “but I’m thankful you did, or else my stupid ass would never know unless someone told me. And that someone would be Jacob, since he can't hold secrets for his dear life and I still don't know how did he manage to keep mine and yours.”

“Wow I leave you for what, thirty minutes? And you're already saying fallacies about me.”

Jacob breaks into the room with Sangyeon and a bunch of their friends, all of them pressed against each other like they were expecting to see something amazing.

“Where's Changmin?” it's Kevin who asks, despite being the one who hides a bit behind Chanhee. The younger tries to look impassive for the sake of their ears (or else they would, you know, start speaking really loud or straight up screaming).

“Well, the show must go on,” Younghoon said, “He had to substitute you since you're here. You know, pretending your life isn't a complete mess.”

Chanhee starts to laugh because Kevin grunts and he feels light enough even to laugh at Younghoon’s jokes, giving free pass for him to think he's funny.

Jacob is looking at them like a proud father and Chanhee gives him a thumbs up, expecting nothing but a thumbs up back, but Jacob detaches himself from the small crowd and wraps him on a warm hug.

“I told you,” he whispers, “I’m so proud of you.”

 

Watching from his point of view, seeing the way Chanhee actually visibly relaxed made his heart, that was already so clenched, throb even more. He was totally going to ignore the way Hyunjae was making fun of his face because nothing could break the sensation he was feeling, even if it meant destroying the rest of dignity left for him.

Kevin had two seconds for himself then, when Jacob and Chanhee were still whispering to each other instead of bringing the conversation to everyone. This was a scenario that has never crossed his mind- first because he wasn't planning on forgetting about his own festival, second because actually realizing his feelings and positively doing something about it was seriously a wild guess. His guesses usually don't include being in a situation where he's not the one controlling it, and apparently all the people around him has done something (on purpose or not); he just stood there… Actively being an oblivious plastic bag…

“Guys I think Kevin is having a mental breakdown-”

“Again?”

It's Jacob who lets out a laugh first and he thinks it's normal to get embarrassed after looking terribly lost like he did, but in the end of the day there was always a reason to disappoint his own sense of ridiculous. Now, looking at them crowding the backstage, the music blasting after the event and Chanhee with his glowy cheeks and eyes were inviting him and accepting his entrance on a whole new level of acknowledgement. Everyone has congratulated Chanhee on his singing, and of course they would never imagine he was going to participate in such thing - the reactions died down a while ago, but the fair skinned boy was still looking glad.

“My mental breakdowns are always very valid,” he muttered after a lifetime and Chanhee sent him his best condescendent look. “And I’m valid for not realizing things sooner, too.”

“Yeah like,” Hyunjae chirped, everyone looked at him thinking he was going to say something important, or at least fake deep, “eighty eight percent of all this was Chanhee’s fault anyway.”

Chanhee’s face was already very pleasantly red since they all came in, so the teasing only made him shrink a bit more and look a bit terrible, if Kevin was reading right. He came closer again and wrapped him in a side hug.

“I like to think everything was necessary. Even the evil things.” Jacob said very quietly.

“What do you mean with ‘evil things’?” Sangyeon asked, looking slightly confused.

“All of you!” his face was livid, but not in a mean way, even if Kevin knew that he was meaning, in fact, everything he was about to say, “All of the teasing and unnecessary comments somehow made the situation more… Unbearable for our little Chanhee here.”

“I am a victim.” his voice was solemn.

“You’re a what now? Everyone has spread around that you were envious of Kevin’s position. Even if you are our president.” Hyunjae went on, and Chanhee looked at him with squinted eyes. Hyunjae (and Juyeon, by his side) was hungry for information, probably to be the one who would spread the news. “It was all just very strange, for me, personally.”

“And they were only rumors. I’ve passively let anyone think that so they wouldn’t know I-”

“Oh, genius…” Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Almost.” He did it again. Coming to think about it, there was one day (back when he wouldn’t even try to acknowledge his feelings or, even more, imagine that Chanhee has nurtured such similar attraction for him) when Younghoon has tried to grow some suspiciousness in his mind. At that time, the guy must have let his thoughts wander too much - or Chanhee must have lost control of his mouth and has let it slip. Anyway, he’s not going to think about it now. Chanhee is hug him back and listening to everyone’s opinions about the performances again, and while Kevin is sure he should be listening to them, his eyes are very busy to let any other sense be more active.

Now that everything was done and his project could positively be an active thing for the next school years, than he has let himself breathe in relief. Jacob and Sangyeon were probably still going to hide their relationship from everyone, the rest of them would still tease them until the day they decide that it’s enough, and lunch will be messier and louder, but he thinks he couldn’t ask for more.

·

Ah, yes. The eerie sight and silence of an empty school corridor, filled with nothing but grey lockers and the lustrous floor, echoing a single quick breathing because there's someone who's amazingly late for their class. The person is not really desperate, because they don't show any emotion when their backpack almost falls due to a sudden encounter - with another late student.

They know each other, talk with each other regularly and walk with the same group of friends, and now there is a lot of it since they've overcame the indifference - there is one of them that's not trying to withdraw from the interaction anymore, and they're as cheerful, talkative, sassy and really beautiful as ever-

“Kevin, why are you always gotta be so late for class? I should give you a detention or something.” Chanhee crosses his arms in front of his chest in a clear demonstration of power, his lips pursed in a petulant pout. Kevin sniggered, uncrossed the closed arms and slid his hand down Chanhee's arm, swiftly joining their hands together.

“What are you now, a hall monitor?”

“No, but as a president I could. Easily.”

“Oh, yeah? And you could put yourself on detention too? Because since you're still a student, you have to follow the same rules as me, smartass.”

Their voices reverberated on the walls filled with lockers, shoes squicked on the floor, hands intertwined between their bodies and Chanhee was finding it very difficult to get used to the new routine.

“There is where you fool yourself, simple student. I-”

“Choi Chanhee, Moon Kevin!”

And, of course, the actual monitor has caught them. Kevin laughed in his hand while Chanhee’s face acquired a rosy color, but he didn't protest.

“You'll have enough time after class to do a little ‘date’ or whatever in the detention room. Now go to class!”

“Yes, don't worry.” Kevin bowed slightly and stared until the monitor was at a good distance. He was going to class, but before that-

“Hey, um- I know you told me to forget about it, but I literally couldn't,” and Chanhee had his eyes aggravated, suddenly attentive. “Please, consider being with the music club? Pretty please? I know you like to be in charge of the council and I admire that in you but-”

“If you admire that, than I would ask you to respect my decision, moron. I don't need to be in the music club for you to hear my voice.”

“O-oh. Right. Fine. Eh, I feel kinda stupid for asking again so let me kiss you to make up for that.”

As cliche as it sounds, touching Chanhee’s lips with his has never made so much sense in his mind. And if cliche means he’s going to see Chanhee’s cheeks go pink everytime he nears him, than he approves cliche. Also, if it means they're going to end the kiss by laughing on each other's mouths than he's going to think cliche is strange, but very welcomed.

He leaves a soft, quick nuzzle against Chanhee’s forehead before detaching himself from his arms forcefully and waves goodbye, wishing a happy morning and (unnecessarily) promising to see him during the break.

 

 _Fin_.

  


**Author's Note:**

> ps: the song chanhee has dramatically sang is called "confession" (wow), originally sang by lee jaebum.  
> i'll positively be coming back here to proofread again, make adjustments and such, because as yall have seen, issa /big/ work and during the times i haven't touched it, it's very likely i must have lost some information regarding the process. so. yup  
> hope you guys liked it and veeeery belated happy birthday batgabiiii i love u so mUCH and nEWMOON HWAITING PLS INTERACT


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